The Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Missy the Brave and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?  So since I’m retired and have little
to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the
Purina Diet again.  I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in
the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an
intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in
both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry.  The food is nutritionally complete so it
works well and I was going to try it again.  (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass
and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing
so hard.  Wal-Mart won’t let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people.  They have all the time in the world
to think of crazy things to say.

Thanks to Gene B for forwarding this lovely story which I only modified slightly.  I don’t often post email jokes but this one was to funny not to share.