Finally someone has compiled a Californian-to-Texan translation directory (AKA redneck Rosetta Stone).  I’m reprinting it here for your convenience.

Please engage your sense of humor (You need not agree!)

CALIFORNIA                                         TEXAS
Arsenal of Weapons                         Gun Collection
Delicate Wetlands                             Swamp
Undocumented Worker                   Illegal Alien
Cruelty-Free Materials                     Synthetic Fiber
Assault and Battery                           Attitude Adjustment
Heavily Armed                                   Well-protected
Narrow-minded                                  Righteous
Taxes or Your Fair Share                  Coerced Theft
Commonsense Gun Control             Gun Confiscation Plot
Illegal Hazardous Explosives           Fireworks or Stump Removal
Nonviable Tissue Mass                      Unborn Baby
Equal Access to Opportunity            Socialism
Multicultural Community                 High Crime Area
Fairness or Social Progress               Marxism
Upper Class or “The Rich ”                Self-Employed
Progressive, Change                            Big Government Scheme
Homeless or Disadvantaged              Bums or Welfare Leeches
Sniper Rifle                                              Scoped Deer Rifle
Investment For the Future                 Higher Taxes
Healthcare Reform                               Socialized Medicine
Extremist, Judgmental, Hater           Conservative
Truant                                                        Homeschooled
Victim or Oppressed                       Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing
High Capacity Magazine                      Standard Capacity Magazine
Religious Zealot                                    Church-going
Reintroduced Wolves                           Sheep and Elk Killers
Fair Trade Coffee                                   Overpriced Yuppie Coffee
Exploiters or “The Rich ”                     Employers or Land Owners
The Gun Lobby                                        NRA Members
Assault Weapon                                     Semi-Auto (Grandpa’s M1 Carbine)
Fiscal Stimulus                                      New Taxes and Higher Taxes
Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting      Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs