1. Money cannot buy happiness but…somehow, its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 

2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.

3. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problem, but then neither does milk.

Thanks to Paul D