On October 6, 2019 my Mother-in-Law Eve Judit Gold died of old age. She lived and amazing life of danger, change and happiness. Here is a YouTube video I made of her life. Here is where she has been featured on this blog. Click on read more and see what I said at her funeral.
We are missing her every day but this too will pass.
Thank you to the people at Mt Sinai who do the work so we can mourn, to the Rabbi who took the time learn about Eva’s amazing life, to our religion for giving us rituals to ease us through transitions like this and to all of you for coming out today.
After Jack died I got to spend a lot of time with Eva. And I learned a lot.
I’d like to start with three little known facts about her and then share with you some of pieces of her wisdom from the nursing home that I think are postcard worthy.
She loved America
Show: Naturalization announcement
She loved learning. At age 44 in 1971 she received her high school diploma Show Diploma
And third she was secretly quite competitive. There was part of her that wanted to be better than others and part of her that wanted to be invisible.
She was very proud that while most of the of the people in assisted living had to use canes or walkers she didn’t. In fact a year or so ago we had to make her this sign so she would use the walker. Show Sign
Speaking of assisted living. As the dementia took away her memory the gaps got larger and larger. At the end she could still remember her mother’s older sister (aunt Lilli) but not what she’d had for breakfast. In fact she couldn’t even remember if she’d had breakfast.
But even though this cruel disease had taken most of her memory her mind was still working and speaking truths.
She said “Write the names on the back of photos. because people soon won’t know who they are.”
“Only keep the photos with people in them.”
I tried to talk her into wearing a hearing aid. She refused and said “I don’t miss what I don’t hear.”
At the end of a visit I’d say “okay Oma I’ll see you later.” I’m always here” she’d reply and have a laugh at her little joke.
One of her oft repeated and unanswerable questions was: “Why do people live so long? My parents died in their 60’s”
Often when I came to visit her she was sitting in an easy chair in the lobby where she could look with pride at her photo on the veterans wall. It was also a spot where nobody could easily sit next to her. She didn’t really want to talk to those “old ladies.”
“I speak German, English and Hebrew.
I don’t even remember learning any of those languages but I still know them.”
How are you Oma? “I’m fed up.”
Even as the horrors of dementia ate away her memory she faced it with a quiet dignity.
“I don’t know what I do without these books?” She couldn’t remember how to turn on the TV. But she read all day. Often the same book over and over again.
About the assisted living home she said “It’s a good thing they have places like this for people like me.”
And I say: “it’s a good thing we have women like Eva Gold.”
I like to read about your relation to Eva Gold. She was a wonderful person, I think, you picted her in a wonderful way.
I will go and see my mother, once again, and she thinks that I am her sister and she sinks in war memories. I succeed only once in a while to get her out off this past and to be with me, her daughter. She was a good joyful mom, I love her for the time she took for me!
And thank you for telling about Eva!! It warms my heart!
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