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Special Needs Fish

One of the Koi in my pond has a very large growth on its head.

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It started small a few years ago and I thought it must be a disease.  But none of the other fish got it so I let “Big Head” stay.  Now he is so ugly and noticeable that Jason S who takes care of the house when we are gone was concerned enough to ask me about him.  I explained that we accommodate him because he’s a “Special Needs Fish.”  He seems to be able to feed himself and never gets lost in the pond.  We are mainstreaming him and allowing him to stay in the school.  No he doesn’t have an IEP yet.  But perhaps one of the teachers in my audience could write him one.

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PC notes (apologies):

  • I call “Big Face” him for convenience only.  No slight of women is intended.  I know females can also have large growths on their faces.
  • The term “Special Needs Fish” is a joke.
  • Teasing about IEP’s (Individual Education Plans) is intended to cross the line and bash the federal education establishment.
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2 thoughts on “Special Needs Fish”

  1. Simon – I don’t think “ugly” qualifies for Special Needs. Otherwise, a good proportion of the animal and human species would qualify in the Special Needs category.

    However, if his growth impeded his ability to feed himself or navigate the pond, you would have to comply with ADA, not IEP regulations. I think you would need to employ an automatic feeder or caregiver to ensure he was nourished and perhaps a kind of monorail with a harness that would enable him to swim as normal, but ensure that he didn’t bump into any rocks or other obstructions that might hurt him.

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